I received an Email from a dear reader who had several concerns. Since they were not uncommon concerns that I haven’t heard before, I decided, with the reader’s permission, to post the Email and my response. First the Email:
Dear Rav: I know that Nibiru is going to destroy everything and Moshiach is going to be here very soon. And there is this feeling that is consuming me every day. I would want to feel happy about it, that finally Redemption is coming. But deep inside me I know that I don't deserve it. I know I am not enough for what Hashem expects of a Jew (I am not a bad person, but the best two things that I do is that I put on Tefillin every day, and follow basic kosher rules, nothing else). I cannot enjoy the moment and be excited about what is coming. Because every time you post something wonderful and deep, I read it as important news. But at the end I get super sad that I am not going to be part of the redemption. Sometimes I want to cry because I am not going to be selected by Hashem to enjoy His wonderful times of Moshiach. I know that you are probably going to reply to me saying that I should start being more religious and do Teshuvah, and you would be totally, totally right. But I don't know; I feel that if I do it, its purpose would be just to be part of the Redemption, the reward. I feel that my Teshuvah would not be true. It's like I am convinced that I am not a good Jew and that I am not what Hashem asks for. I feel really sad about it. I don't know if I have to be happy that Moshiach is coming, because I know I am not going to pass the Final Judgement.My response:
I feel the same way. I am not worthy of Hashem’s mercy. I am not a bad person, but I am still human and feel a void, a need to change, a need to improve. Why do I want to improve? Is it because I am trying to trick Hashem into thinking that I am better than I am, to get all the benefits? Absolutely not!!! Hashem knows me much better than I know myself. The reason that I want to improve is because I love Hashem, I love Judaism, I love Israel, I love Torah, I love doing the commandments and I love helping other people, especially my family, my loved ones, who are so dear to me.
Do I crave Moshiach and the worldwide redemption? Absolutely!!! Why? Because I don’t like this world the way it is; I don’t like evil, where people think they are so much better than others and want them as slaves; I don’t like hatred that happens just because I have different feelings about life than others; I don’t like hunger and suffering. I feel the pain of others. I know that the only solution to the world’s problems is Hashem changing the world. The final worldwide redemption is just that: the solution to all that is wrong with the world. Am I feeling greedy if I want to be part of the solution, if I want to help save the people whose pain I feel? I am human and Hashem made me exactly how He wanted me just so I would feel this need to help.
If I have an appliance that stopped working and I use it every day, am I greedy to want to fix it? I was put on Earth to help fix the world. My tools from my Employer are commandments to do. If I do what the Boss says, I am doing my job. Since doing my job results in me being raised higher in the organization (society), my rewards are probably well deserved and should never be thought of as taking what is not mine.
Anyone who is worried about not doing enough, like you and me, are the ones that Hashem wants to have in His new world. Your concern is exactly what tells me that you and your loved ones will be greatly taken care of. How much will you be taken care of? That is the system of measure for measure. Taking on new commandments to enhance your future is not a selfish act, it is Hashem’s will. If you can add the ingredients of love and awe of Hashem as your primary reason, you are much better off than you think. Doing Teshuvah is not just a tool to further our spiritual level, it is what our Creator wants from us. He wants us to be happy and have everything and to feel good about the effort we put forward to get it. We are only trying to live the Absolute Truth as Hashem designed it for us. Why think anything less?
One additional thought. Nibiru is only scary if one has bad intentions. 1/3rd of the world, 2.5 billion people will be saved. The evil that I said I disliked will be gone. The good people that I want to see helped will be healed and will thrive. Nibiru is a gift to solve the world’s problems. Once again, working closely with the Giver of the gift is not a selfish act, it is a desire to help the people who need it the most. It is all good news.
Keep up the good work; it is exactly what Hashem wants from you (and all of us).